You’re killin’ me: a new column for the haters of UMW
By TIERNEY McAFEE
As comedian Michael Ian Black proclaimed during his recent visit to UMW, P.R. is everything. He even went so far as to attribute the Nazi’s defeat to bad public relations. When confronted by the latest batch of flyers from the student-run, anti-birth control group, Project Plus, I couldn’t help but think, “Damn, they have lousy P.R.”
Drawing one of the most irrelevant comparisons of our time, Project Plus’ new flyers individually list their top 10 reasons why chocolate is better than birth control. One of the offensive flyers inquires, “Which would you rather receive from your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day?” [Birth control or chocolate]. I’ll admit that birth control would be a pretty strange gift to receive from my boyfriend, considering he’s neither my gynecologist nor my pharmacist. But, personally, I’m at the point in my life that I would rather pass on that Snickers bar and NOT have a baby.
And then there’s reason number six: “Because Birth Control Cookies would just be gross.”
All moral debates aside, that is some of the worst propaganda I have ever seen. I highly doubt anyone will be persuaded to stop having sex because they wouldn’t enjoy baked goods made out of their contraception. Let’s face it: if you want to get a bunch of horny college students to abstain from pre-marital sex, you’re going to have to come up with a much more persuasive, pertinent way than linking birth control to chocolate. Why not stick to the old tried and true you-will-burn-in-hell argument? That has proven effective for many, many years.
Whether they say so explicitly or not, Project Plus is a group with an agenda that promotes abstinence. According to their website , theprojectplus.com, the group’s intent is to promote awareness about contraception, but they point out, “For those who do not desire to have children…not engaging in sexual acts is the only fully effective way to prevent STDs and pregnancy.”
Considering their stance on pre-marital sex, Project Plus poses a bizarre contradiction with one flyer that proudly proclaims to college students: “Nothing puts you in the mood like chocolate.”
The flyer elaborates, “While hormonal birth control actually decreases a woman’s sex drive, chocolate naturally increases your desire to spend more time with your boyfriend.”
Let me get this straight. You are telling us that instead of having sex (or “spending time,” whatever you crazy kids are calling it these days) with our boyfriends, we should alternatively torture ourselves by consuming something that will make us want to have sex with our boyfriends even more?
That sounds more tempting than an Ortho Tri-Cyclen brownie.