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The Blue & Gray Press | June 29, 2017

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Top5 Ways to Fail Your Classes

BY ELIZABETH SWAUGER

1. Hit That Snooze

Go ahead, hit it a few more times. This is guaranteed to make your roommate hate you—and if you do it enough, you might be able to successfully sleep through all of your morning classes. Skipping all your classes is a great and easy way to fail them. Better yet, do not set your alarm at all.
An anonymous upperclassman female stated that her freshman year she would often set her alarm excessively early so as to be able to hit the snooze repeatedly before having to wake up. “I slept through my classes a couple of times” she stated. Her “wake up“ snooze-button-hitting tradition has found to be quite popular among the Mary Washington student body.

2. Sit in the back of the room

This will give you an extra 50 (or 75) minutes to catch up with your friends. Also, if you bring your laptop, you can always write your mom a nice e-mail and IM some of your old high school buddies. There is a reason why the back row is termed the “invisibility row.” You better believe those professors can’t see you back there. Do not worry about taking notes; you can always get them later.
However, if you decide to take a nap in the back, make sure you enlist a friend nearby to wake you at the end of the class. You do not want to end up entering at the beginning of a French 201 class and exiting in the middle of an English 381 class. This could prove to be quite awkward and embarrassing, but if it does happen to you, have no fear—you are not the first.

3. Stalk your friends on Facebook

It is crucial that you are always online, so that you can actively participate in the “food fights” which rage on Facebook. You must always be making new friends so you can recruit them to be ninjas or pirates and increase your level. Not to mention checking out all the new notes, videos, links, pictures and graffiti boards which are being ever updated and changed. Just check out your stalker mini-feed for a complete listing of updates and new ways to procrastinate.

4. Over-commit yourself
With any luck, you all have joined at least a dozen clubs at club carnival and have already booked your weekend activities until spring break. This is the most effective way to completely over-commit yourself. And, best of all, if you join clubs that all meet at different times, you can maximize your busyness. Having a couple demanding jobs would also accomplish this criterion.

5. Procrastinate

If you must do homework, be sure to wait at least until the night before your assignment is due. It is preferable that you do not even begin until after dinner. By waiting until the last minute, you will be sure to make lots of mistakes, or better yet, misread the assignment. Then when you go to class the next day, you can proudly hand in your labor of mediocrity and then proceed back to your residence hall for an afternoon nap. You may even be so tired that you will hit your snooze and miss your afternoon classes as well. Pulling all-nighters regularly is a definite must.
Sophomore roommates Jessica Hall and Melissa Hadley offer suggestions on different methods they have found useful in the area of procrastination.
“Sometimes we get in mock fights with each other,” states Melissa. “We would rather fight than do work.”
“It helps relieve tension” Jessica adds. “Grey’s Anatomy,” IM, and doing laundry are also popular venues for their procrastination.
One of Jessica’s favorite procrastination methods is naptime, while Melissa prefers periodically raiding the candy jar.
“It is very distracting” she states. Both recommend listening to music while working, and then taking frequent “dance breaks” throughout. And, if all these possibilities have been exhausted, and more time still needs to be procrastinated away—you can always “redecorate the room” or go shopping.

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