Top 5 Ways to Lose Weight with Minimal Effort
By JOHN SHERIDAN
Warning: only for those of you who are very, very serious. About losing weight, I mean. Because if you don’t lose those five pounds this week you’ll never be pretty, and you certainly won’t get the wrestling weight division you need.
Jogging to the Chemotherapy clinic
Uppers, cigarettes and not sleeping.
Eating food optional. (The secret technique of most celebrities, and look how happy they are with themselves.)
Whatever Atkins Low-Carb South Beach Idiot Diet is out now. It’s completely legitimate because it was created by “doctors,” probably in “laboratories.” (Warning: side effects include gastrointestinal voiding, appendicitis and possibly Leukemia.)
Gastric Bypass, but that’s for quitters.