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The Blue & Gray Press | August 19, 2019

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Comfortable Boots Put the ‘Ugg’ in Ugly


Staff Writer

Their name says it all. There is no form of footwear more hideous than the Ugg boot, and almost every girl I know owns a pair. Shapeless and unflattering, the squishy shoes clash with every outfit imaginable, and often give off a Mary Kate Olsen-esque homeless person vibe. You might as well duct tape two teddy bears to your feet.

Surely, the fashion industry must be playing some kind of sick joke on all of us with this trend. I vowed to never saddle my feet with the humiliation of donning such repulsiveness. I was a true nonconformist.

And then I put my foot in one.

Suddenly, my feet were floating on a bed of freshly roasted marshmallows. Everything below my knees was now encapsulated in a pillow of sheepskin and warming wonder. It was as if I’d stuck my leg inside of a lamb.

Back off PETA, it’s only a simile.

So I too succumbed to the fad, throwing down $170, plus $30 more for weather-proofing spray. I’ve been wiggling my toes ever since. My paper thin Converse All Stars, once my signature look,  haven’t left my shoerack in weeks. I’m a total Ugg convert.

Originating in Australia as a unisex boot meant to warm your feet after surfing, the Ugg has immigrated to the States as a fashion phenomena: women wear Uggs to church, the grocery store, and even out clubbing.

While others try to hide their suede shame under their pant legs, I’m a proud tucker. It’s all or nothing kids, if you are tasteless enough to purchase Ugg boots, you’d better tuck those blue jeans in.

Leggings accentuate the boots’ frumpiness: the skinnier my legs look, the bigger the Uggs look, the more glares I get from hipster snobs.

I used to be like you.

Also, it is essential to go with brand name. Fake Uggs, or “fuggs” as they have been so preciously branded, do not have the same whimsical shearling lining. In short, Bearclaw and Target brand are simply not ugly enough.

My charcoal gray Uggs are aesthetic proof that I don’t give a Dr. Scholl pad what my shoes look like. Lack of arch support aside, I am proud to expose my rubber soul. How about dem apples, Christian Dior?

Sometimes I think Ugg boots are a fur-lined middle finger to a footwear industry that forces women to blister in 4-inch stilettos, just for the sake of calf-definition. Maybe all the single ladies wearing Eskimo shoes are rebelling; we’re sick of looking sexy, sick of coordinating outfits just to get a guy or two to add you on Facebook. Maybe ugly is the new attractive. Maybe we don’t have to care anymore.

And then I put my foot in one again and realize, as with most things, there is no deeper meaning, there is no cultural statement:
They’re just so flippin’ comfortable.