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The Blue & Gray Press | December 16, 2017

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Top Five: What To Look Forward To This Decade

1. Graduation: Don’t worry if you’re a freshman or super-senior, because at some point in the next ten years, chances are fairly good that you will graduate from college. No more issues with Banner or Blackboard, no more indigestion due to taco salads from the Eagles Nest, and you’ll never have to put up with your roommate’s sleep-touching again. The real world is out there. And compared to college, it will be as easy as a piece of Seaco pie. Besides, getting jobs these days is so easy!

2. The Virtual iPod: Why listen to music or watch movies on your iPod when you can be your iPod. Forget trying to get earbuds to stay in your oversized ears, you’re iPod will be built directly into your head. You’ll hear music and see moves as they were meant to be enjoyed. At the rate that Apple moves, the virtual iPod should be out in just a few years. Pretty soon, we’ll all have a little bit of Steve Jobs inside of each of us.

3. The Presidency of Sarah Palin: With any luck, the former Republican nominee for vice president and former governor of Alaska will someday lead our nation farther into the unknown of the 21st century. President Palin is the most prepared and charismatic leader to lead the United States, nay, the world through large scale war, economic turmoil, and probably the return of Christ. She knows her facts and is championed by both Democrats and Republicans. No one will need health care, the word “abortion” will be stricken from the dictionary and people across the globe will sport “Palin Forever” shirts as they ride to work on government issued snow machines. Look forward to a new world order.

4. The Return of the Monocle: The monocle was a staple of high fashion for over one hundred years. From the beginning of the 18th century to somewhere around Winston Churchill, men didn’t feel the need to look through two eyes when using just one was almost as good. Sure, a bit of depth perception is lost, but it’s hard argue with that crotchety grimace that monocles force you to adopt. Sometime soon, it will be back.

5. George Clooney and Halle Berry Continue to Become Better Looking: Ten years from now, George Clooney will be 58. There’s no chance he can still look as good as he does now, right? Wrong! He looks better now than he did when he started as the original Dr. McDreamy on ER in 1994. Halle Berry has the same issue. If you think Halle is easy on the eyes now, just give her ten years. Based on history, she should look about 33 percent better, which is mind-blowing.