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The Blue & Gray Press | February 17, 2018

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Sexclamations: Sex in Real Life Better Than in Movies

By ERIN HILL

A scene from a collegehumor.com video:
Boy: “Hold on. I’m still wearing a sock. Is it in?”
Girl: “We should put down a towel. I’m—spotting.”
Boy: “I’ve kind of lost it [my erection].”

Despite some exaggeration, the aforementioned video embodies real sex, with all of its kinks and quirks. Sex can sometimes be, well, unsexy. That does not necessarily make sex unpleasant. In fact, awkward moments during sex can sometimes make the experience more enjoyable and hilarious. Being able to laugh about the awkwardness can bring partners closer together. Laughter is healthy and increases happiness, even during sex.

We have all seen the perfect, romantic sex scenes in movies, where clothes somehow fall off with one quick touch of a hand. Before you realize it, the deed is done. Films make sex seem effortless. If a movie does not depict sex as an uninterrupted continuum of events, it usually depicts the act as being a scene on which to hang numerous sex jokes and hyperboles.

For instance, a scene in “The 40-Year-Old-Virgin” shows the main character struggling for what seems like hours on end to put on a condom. The movie makes sex look like an unconquerable, unwieldy battle. Of course, these illustrations of sex have their proper place and obviously serve a purpose in cinema. However, we must remember that real-life sexual experiences don’t tend to be as perfect or as cumbersome as sex in movies.

Real sex almost always entails some degree of awkwardness or mishaps. From start to finish, minor unexpected issues arise. Although we may wish to make the deed as smooth as possible, a variety of factors can interfere with one’s ideal sexual experience. For example, taking off each other’s clothes almost never proves to be an easy feat. Something always gets stuck. If you’re lying down, you usually need to get up again to remove clothing. You’re probably wearing that one bra that doesn’t unhook easily with one hand. Perhaps you decide to leave half of your clothes on while having sex.

Similarly, obtaining the perfect atmosphere can be difficult. You may be worried about getting caught or someone walking in on the two of you. Finding the perfect location can be difficult in college. Maybe you’re distracted by pictures on the wall of family members, too little or too much lighting, television in the background or a ringing phone. Needless to say, mood lighting and total peace and quiet are not easily found, especially in college.

Finding the perfect position that creates comfortable weight distribution can be problematic. For example, in the college humor video, the girl complains about her partner’s crushing weight as he lies flat on top of her. He says his arms are tired. She replies with, “But I can’t breathe!”
When bodies come together, they have a tendency to create awkward noises. Perhaps you find the sounds of each other’s bodies slapping together to be distracting. Small pockets of air can get trapped between each partner’s pelvic region, which sometimes makes a noise similar to flatulence when pushed out. If your lovemaking becomes very intense, you might accidentally prod or bruise your partner in an unpleasant way. Maybe a certain position creates a feeling of too much penetration in an unwanted area.

In addition to these issues, you have to deal with biological noises, including but not limited to flatulence and queefing. Last but not least, you have to think about bodily secretions. Where is the landing zone for ejaculation? What do we do if “Aunt Flo” is on her way in or out?
Clearly, numerous awkward issues can arise when having sex. Nevertheless, sexual experiences can be just as enjoyable, if not more enjoyable, than sex in the cinemas. It is not about the problems that arise during sex, but your reactions to them that are most important. If you and your partner are able to laugh at the awkward moments during sex, then you probably have an excellent, comfortable, loving relationship.

To me, having that relationship in which each partner is completely comfortable with the other and having the ability to laugh at the awkward moments is actually more beautiful and perfect than the “ideal sex” featured in movies.