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The Blue & Gray Press | September 23, 2018

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Halloween Not Such a Gem This Year

Halloween is typically a night where things happen. Scary things. These may include but are not limited to the dead rising from their graves, thick fog, Draculas, and murderous rampages by uncompromising psychopaths. I guess I can include idiots running around in costumes in there, too, but then I’d be encouraging idiocy, as it’s a well known fact that 99.9% of people who go outside on October 31st are never seen again. I, of course, am a member of the .1% that manage to survive, which gives me the relatively unique authority to write this review. With that in mind, Halloween this year sucked.

When I went outside on Sunday, the first thing I noticed was that there were streetlights on. That was less than ideal, as Halloween should be pitch black, but it was what happened next that truly shocked me: the sun rose over the horizon. Who said that was okay? It’s not like it was a small blemish either: the sun was up for almost a full 12 hours. Nothing wants to be scary in the daytime other than serial killers, and all they usually do is follow their future victims around and stare menacingly. In short, a Halloween with half the night is one with half the fun.

This fun requires two ingredients: People and horror. The former was decidedly lacking this Sunday. That is to say, nobody was outside, save for a few candy burglars. I eventually found out that nobody does anything to have fun on Sundays, and everyone had already celebrated the holiday the day before. This is cheating, and I have since reported every student at UMW to the Honor Council. I have high hopes that they do the right thing and expel everyone, including themselves, for this travesty.

This is obviously President Hurley’s fault. Say what you will about Hample, she knew how to throw a Halloween. If Hurley wants to be remembered as a great president of this university, then he needs to get his act together. Maybe next year he can get it right.

2 out of 5 stars

Comments

  1. T-bone

    I wish I could “like” this headline. lolz