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The Blue & Gray Press | February 25, 2018

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Sexclamations: Abstinence Usually a Smart Option

Are you a socially active person on campus? Are you a member of the male or female population? Do you have a pulse? If you can respond to any of these questions in the affirmative, then chances are you have heard about sex, and often discuss its many influences upon society.

For 105 percent of the college population (if we actually believe what we hear), sexual activity is considered as integral to the undergraduate college experience as anything else that occurred in the movie Animal House. This assumption leads to the same amount of peer pressure that lemmings must feel. Sometimes it does sound like everyone is doing it and you should too; only this time, it’s not referring to jumping off a bridge. Does this really mean the rumors are true? Is everyone really a sex-deprived fiend? Does this mean not having sex is bad for you? I think not.

It’s not that sex is bad, but rather, not having sex in college is perfectly fine and acceptable. About 104 percent of the people who brag about sex are grossly exaggerating their conquests. That may sound kind of obvious, but it can’t hurt to just put it on paper.

While getting some sexy time might satisfy some students, keeping the chastity belt on is just as good for others. “Woah now,” some of you may be saying, “aren’t you the Sexclamations guy? Isn’t it your job to encourage scandalous behavior that usually leads to public outcry and forums on campus?” Fear not: there is plenty of scandalous behavior to instigate, other than sex, that doesn’t have such potentially serious repercussions.

Sex is a pretty hefty action that shouldn’t always be done on a whim. After all, it can lead to babies and STD’s, the biggest party poopers since tests on Mondays.

This does not mean that I’m hatin’ on sex: Au contraire, sex, like beer, is proof that God loves us and wants to us to be happy. Whether it is in the Simpson library or on President Hurley’s desk as UMW experts have recommended, taking the skin boat to tuna town is one heck of a crazy ride, and it certainly beats the average roller coaster.

That being said, there are a lot of other things that prove God loves us that have nothing to do with sex, like food or sleep.

Even if you are drawn to a romantic partner, sex isn’t the only option. You have to round all the bases before you can get a “home run,” if you know what I mean. Take your time because there’s no rush. If you’re not comfortable with sex in college, that’s fine. Sex isn’t going anywhere, and it’ll be there for you when you graduate.

Comments

  1. Michael Gardner

    Great article Calvin. Keep up the good work.

  2. you know who

    I hate sex.

  3. Kate

    Bravo! Better than the last and this one was true to a point and HILARIOUS. Awesome.

  4. Anonymous

    I still feel as though the ogling eyes article was your best.