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The Blue & Gray Press | August 21, 2019

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DivestUMW divests from UMW

DivestUMW divests from UMW


Yesterday, Wednesday March 30, DivestUMW decided to give up their fight at UMW, to the delight of every other student, faculty and staff member on campus.

“UMW and their fossil fuels can rot in hell,” was heard being yelled from the pack of protestors as they departed campus yesterday. Their exit from the university was a grand one, each member atop their own eco-friendly broomstick.

It appears that 32 ignored protests in a semester were just too much for DivestUMW to handle. A few students were sympathetic with DivestUMW, and didn’t understand why the administration ignored their many protests.

“They spent so much time making signs and shouting their demands to the administration,” junior communications major Mikey Barnes said. “I don’t understand why they didn’t listen to them; I mean mom always listens to my demands.”

In April of 2015 DivestUMW was receiving the attention that they so desperately craved, when two of their members were arrested for having a sit-in at George Washington Hall.

After that first successful attention seeking ploy, DivestUMW began planning bigger and better protests. More were arrested, and the inbox of The Blue & Gray Press email began blowing up with requests from DivestUMW to share news of their recent tantrums with the campus.

When their emails started going unanswered and people began ignoring their sit-ins DivestUMW ramped up their arsenal.

“They started making these really big signs,” said junior Chris Markham, “No one can ignore a giant sign.”

Some students noticed that DivestUMW members’ demeanor began to change as their protests began to go more frequently unnoticed and unpublicized.

“I remember walking by their protest one day and they were all crying and pounding their fists on the ground,” said senior Della Hethcox. “They’re usual chat had turned into unintelligible babbling.”

After the huge failure that was their last protest, they decided it was time to find a university who would give them the constant attention they desired.



  1. Anonymous


  2. anonymous

    lol from the author who unironically wrote an article complaining about her neighbor’s loud dorm sex

  3. Anon

    The photo isn’t even of divest

  4. Teddy

    So happy this movement failed. President Hurley is the best and doesn’t deserve and of this crap