By ABIGAIL WEBER
If you’ve been on campus this past year, you may have noticed the paths have gotten dirtier in a quite literal sense. With so many construction sites on campus, a lot more dirt and sand gets picked up and deposited around campus when it rains.
While it may initially seem inconvenient, this dirt provides a valuable service. At no cost to the school, it maps the path of floodwater and the puddles during rain in real time. When the water evaporates and turns these water hazards to sand traps, students can use this information to plot their next walk.
This is especially useful for new students. In the past, students like myself had to learn where to step and which circuitous routes would take them safely home through trial and error. Now, thanks to the miracle of modern construction, new students can pin down where the puddles are on the sunniest of days!
Additionally, this sand serves to tell visitors who can’t see the construction that we are always improving. How can we as a campus convince visitors that we are a school of the future if our paths are not practically sandboxes from construction runoff?
The next time your shoes get covered in mud from a stroll down Campus Walk, make sure to take a moment as you’re scraping them off on the carpet to consider the benefits of a dirty, sandy campus.
This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition and is intended to be satirical in nature. All information or quotations are made up and not to be taken seriously.