In order to not dwell on what has been lost and to move the community forward as a whole, President Piano, along with the Board of Mascot Founders, has decided to retire Sammy D. Eagle as the official UMW mascot. Sammy has served the community for the past 86.3 years, and he will be missed dearly.
“Sammy was like a father to me,” said Corey Lemons, a junior outdoor education major. “When I heard about his retirement I had to take a moment and just reflect on everything they’ve taught me.”
While Sammy will be leaving behind some big shoes to fill, coming fall 2021 there will be a new mascot and leader who is up for the challenge: Irving da’ Bear.
Irving is known by many for his environmental and humanitarian work around the world.
“When I heard Irving was going to be the new mascot I just about died,” said Melissa Cummins, a senior majoring in pre-med and bear studies. “I’ve read about all the work he did saving the koalas in the wildfires this past year. He really became an inspiration for many people, so the fact that he’s coming to UMW is just amazing!”
There was some fear among students that Irving’s worldly experience would leave him feeling out of place at UMW.
“I don’t know about having Irving on campus,” said Jim Ramey, a child prodigy and twelve-year-old freshman. “UMW has such a homey atmosphere, and Fredericksburg is a more small-town than many of the places Irving has been. I just don’t know if I could ever picture a hero like him settling down on campus and just chilling on Ball Circle with the rest of us.”
President Pain-o has assured students that Irving has been fully briefed on the ins-and-outs of the UMW campus. He is certain that the bear will have no trouble fitting in.
“During his first day on campus he already knew the place better than I did,” said Piano with tears in his eyes. “He was even able to lead me out of Melchers when we got lost in there after lunch. He just had this intuition about him that let me know he would fit right in.”
Students who met Irving on his first tour around campus also felt at ease with the fluffy bear. “I honestly just wanted to give him a hug,” said Sir Jack Youngblood III, a junior squirrel studies major. “He just had this air about him that radiated acceptance. He looked like he could just take me in his arms and make all the problems in the world go away.”
Despite his residency as the campus mascot not beginning till the fall, Irving has already made plans to change campus for the better. Katie Friend, a sophomore floral major, and Mary Adeline, a sophomore dance major, are the first two members of the Irving fan club. The two girls have gotten a front-row seat to the creation of Irving’s 53-step campus improvement plan.
“Honestly, step number forty-three rocked my world,” said Friend. “I can’t go into detail about what it’s all about, but I will give you a hint. Three words: Monroe chocolate fountain.”
“My personal favorite step is step number eighteen point five,” said Mary Adeline. “I really think that replacing the devil goat statue with a statue of Danny DeVito will mend the bad blood between the Devils and the Goats. I mean, who doesn’t love Danny DeVito?”
As campus prepares for the arrival of Irving da’ Bear this fall, Irving himself asks that we take a moment to remember the work of Sammy D. Eagle.
“I could never expect to replace such a legend, but I will try my best to honor their legacy,” said Irving. “I ask everyone to take a few days to remember Sammy and all the joy and pride he brought to campus. I will be doing my own reflecting during this time.”
“I am so thankful for this opportunity to make UMW my home,” said Irving. “I hope to do great things at UMW and I think if we all work together we can make this campus a brighter, more welcoming place.”
This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition and is intended to be satirical in nature. All information or quotations are made up and not to be taken seriously.