BY MEGAN GRIGORIAN
To know me is to know that I’m celebrity obsessed. If I could take a joy ride with Lindsey, baby-sit Shiloh, or party with Paris, I’d be there faster than the paparazzi the next time Britney flashes her vajayjay.
I take celebrity gossip with the utmost seriousness. Sadly, I have developed a ranking system for any publication that will provide me with the need-to-know info.
If it’s in People, it is concrete fact. US Weekly comes in as a close second with about a 90% truth rating, and The National Inquirer is only good for a solid hour of uninterrupted laughter.
Nothing will end a friendship with me sooner than harsh words of judgment for my guilty pleasure. Yes, I realize that perhaps there are more productive ways to occupy my time than discovering who’s dating who or making fun of the latest socialite’s mug shot, but there is no need to rub my shallow shortcomings in my face.
On more than one occasion, I’ve gotten disapproving glares for skimming an In Touch before class or a scolding speech for checking tmz.com at the library. And then there are the inevitable words of disgust, which vary but always reveal the same message.
“Don’t you know there are serious problems in this world?” my critics say. “You could be making a difference instead of endorsing frivolous, rich princesses and their indulgent, lavish lifestyles.”
I really can’t help it though. It’s in my blood. My childhood was spent watching “Entertainment Tonight” followed immediately by the same regurgitation of data on “Access Hollywood” with my mom instead of tuning in to the 6:00 news.
College is stressful, and sometimes a little escape to Tinsel Town is necessary. It provides a therapeutic release to all the seriousness of academic life.
Keeping up with Hollywood’s it-list is not only a full-time hobby. It’s a topnotch way to procrastinate doing actual school work. Next time you don’t want to write that five-page paper due tomorrow and you’ve scanned all your friends’ Facebook profiles at least 20 times, try something new. Take a gander at people.com; I guarantee you won’t be sorry.
I am proud to officially admit my obsession. The Oscars are my Super Bowl and I check Perez Hilton’s blog before I check my e-mail. And there is totes nothing wrong with that.