The beautiful, glorious moment of truth that every middle school, high school and college student dreams of has come.
No, not graduation. That can wait.
We’re referring to the discovery of a cockroach, or Periplaneta americana, in a sandwich at the Eagle’s Nest.
Seriously, that almost deserves a slow clap.
Sources say that the undesirable sandwich ingredient may have stowed away in the lettuce packaging long before entering the gates of Mary Washington, and the mouth of an unsuspecting college simpleton savoring a sammy in the privacy of the dorm room.
Unfortunately for Sodexo and the Mary Washington dining services, the origins this winged lunch infiltrator is irrelevant information in the eyes of the ravenous culinary critic known as cafeteria meal plan student.
The wolves are already at the door.
When the news reached Eagle’s Nest upper management, the longest “Oh &#%$!” of all time must have been heard throughout Woodard Campus Center.
Never underestimate the active imaginations of college students, particularly in regard to the production and ingredients of cafeteria food.
Upon hearing the news, most college students probably imagined a scenario not unlike David Pelham’s children’s book, Sam’s Sandwich, the story of an evil, misogynistic little boy who cleverly decorates a little girl’s sandwich with various insects.
However, no student should go overboard with his or her imaginative criticisms.
After all, Seacobeck and the Eagle’s Nest are the primary means of sustenance for students on the Mary Washington campus. Seldom is it a good idea to bite the hand that feeds.
By all means, savor this moment and have a laugh, but take a moment to be grateful that conditions aren’t worse.
Besides, what’s a little more protein?