The Blue & Gray Press

The University of Mary Washington Student Newspaper

Sports happened over the weekend, it was great sports

2 min read
By HANNAH PARKER This past Saturday the University of Mary Washington’s men’s sports team won against Salisbury’s men’s sports team during the sports game.

Alex Obolensky | Facebook


This past Saturday the University of Mary Washington’s men’s sports team won against Salisbury’s men’s sports team during the sports game.

The UMW sports team scored 11 baskets against Salisbury’s sports team, which scored nine goals. Both sports teams played their best; but UMW sports team reigned top baller. No. 87 on the UMW sports team ran the field and kicked the winning goal, scoring the last one point for the sports team.

The audience applauded No. 87’s winning homerun and screamed even louder when he did a winner’s back-flip on the court.

But, the most inspiring moment of the sports game was when No. 123456789’s lacrosse stick broke and water boy Babe Ruth ran on to the court with his own baseball bat and scored a touchdown for the UMW Sports team.

When intermission happened, the girls who scream and shout came out to scream and shout. Then announcer Mikey Barnes ran out on the court and everyone boo’d. “Bring back the sports actors,” the audience demanded.

Barnes, stealing the sports game again, ran off the field in sobs. The UMW sports team shook off Barnes’ bad attitude and wrestled Salisbury’s Sports team to the field. The audience roared with excitement.

After more sports happened, UMW sports team coach coach called a break in the sports game. Coach yelled at the sports actors to play sports better and to be better sports actors. The sports actors nodded, they knew what needed to be done. Coach’s speech inspired the sports actors so much that they began to play sports better. The sports game had never been so good.

A national sports network showed up to videotape the sports game and interview coach about coach’s huge speech that made the sports actors play better.

“I just told them to play sports better,” coach said. “Sports are really all about playing the sport, and being good at them. That’s really all you can do when you play sports, play the sport. When you know how to play sports like I do, you know how to teach other people how to play sports. Play sports good, and the sports will be played good.”

Coach inspired not only the sports actors, but the audience and the national sports network too. Even I was inspired by coach’s words.

The sports game ended and everyone went home and lived their lives as usual, the sports game leaving no effect on them.

Next week UMW’s men’s sports team will travel to the other sports field to play against the other college’s sports team for the sports game.

This story is a part of our April Fool’s edition and is intended to be satirical in nature. All information or quotations are made up and not to be taken seriously. 

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