by GABBY CARRION
Q: “My roommate is always spending time with her boyfriend, and I’m always feeling left out.” -Anonymous
A: To be honest, I was guilty of leaving my friends behind for my romantic partners back in high school. It wasn’t until the relationship was over that I realized it. I was completely obsessed with my boyfriend and thought the world revolved around him and our relationship, so I isolated myself from the rest of my friends and only hung out with him 24/7. I actually ended up having to rebuild my friendships when we broke up because I realized my support system was gone. My friends were not the biggest fan of him, so that may have played a factor as well, but I could have done a better job at uniting them.
My advice is to not worry too much about it. As I’ve stated, this happens all the time, especially if it’s a new relationship and they are still in the honeymoon phase where everything seems so happy and perfect. First, you have to decide whether you like her new beau or not. If you do, that’s great! I would recommend that you all hang out together at once, like maybe getting lunch, drinking together or playing board games. That way you can hang out with your friend while getting to know the guy all at the same time. It’ll be a great way to bond with your friend and her boyfriend. Best of both worlds, am I right?
Now, on the other hand, if you absolutely despise this guy or he has a bad track record, tell your roommate—you would want to know about it if the roles were switched. Although she might not be super happy about it, especially if they’re still in the honeymoon phase, it is your job as the roommate and bestie to tell her if there’s evidence that he might not be the best guy for her. At least this way she has all the information and can make an informed decision about what to do. Once you tell her all you know, you can be there to support her in whatever decision she makes.
One other option is to actually tell your roomie how you feel. Just be completely honest and have a conversation about it. Like I said in my last article, communication is super important in building a trusting relationship, and this is true of friendships as well. Once you communicate with her that you’re feeling left out, it will be a lot easier to change that feeling. She may not even realize that she isn’t spending time with you or that you’re feeling this way.
Once you’ve communicated with her, here are some things you can do to prevent feeling left out. You can set up certain days of the week to hang out with each other. For example, on Mondays, you guys will have a movie night and make dinner, and on Thursdays binge-watch your favorite show or go out to Brock’s (if you’re over 21). That way, there are set days you hang out, and the rest of the days she can hang with her boyfriend, study or do whatever.
Another thing you can do is join a club or organization with your roommate. That way you can spend more time together and meet other people as well. I love doing philanthropy work with Downtown Greens or even just picking up trash from college heights. It makes me feel good and it can be super fun when doing it with your best friends.
I have made so many friends through the clubs that I’ve joined, and I usually hang out with them after club meetings and events. After meeting all these new friends, you might not feel as left out.
If you have any more questions that you want me to answer, direct message @theblueandgraypress on Instagram and I will answer them in the next Ask Gabby!